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One of the most effective tools used by the mediator is to summarise what is being said from time to time. However, you don’t have to wait for the mediator to do it. Do it regularly yourself. Say to your negotiating partner “What I think I am hearing you say is that …..”. It shows that you are listening and so increases the trust between you. It also allows you to check that you really are understanding what is being said. Putting the bullet points up onto a flip chart re-inforces the process.