Forget your position!

Gary WebberMediation

Don’t try to persuade the other party that you are right! It is usually a waste of time and energy.

It can be really frustrating when the other side can’t seem to see what is so obvious to you. Actually they may agree with you but that doesn’t mean that they are going to show it. I have often heard people say “They just don’t seem to understand” but actually they probably do. They are just not going to admit it to you.

It may be that you have some killer point that blows their case out of the water. If so you have no doubt told them that previously in an email, probably lots of them. If they believe that you are right they will already be taking that into account in their thinking.

On the other hand, if they think that you are wrong the more you try to persuade them otherwise the less successful you are likely to be. The more they respond to you the more they will persuade themselves that they are correct. Remember you are not talking to a judge in court who is open to persuasion. You are talking to someone who is more likely to want to defend their position and the more you attack the more they will defend.

Save your energy for focussing on their wants and needs, and see how much you can accommodate those in order to get the deal.